You just came out of an exhausting relationship and can’t bring yourself to think about dating. Or maybe you are in the dating arena searching for that special someone. Most likely when you least expect, it happens. You meet a wonderfully charming, attractive and intelligent man. He is well dressed, has impeccable manners, is financially stable or maybe well off. He is fun and exciting to be around. He is sensitive, intuitive and caters to your needs. You can’t believe your good luck. He’s almost too good to be true. But every now and then when you doubt him, he says or does something to reassure you that he is the real deal.
At this point, stop! Don’t do anything short of running from this type of person or else he will suck you dry. Stay with him and in due time, you will find yourself financially and/or emotionally broke. You will be feeling sorry for him or blaming yourself. You stay because you are the one person who truly understands him and believe you can help him change. That never happens.
It won’t be long before the pieces unravel. You might find that the European car he drives is borrowed or leased under another person’s name. He hasn’t had a job in a while and is managing to financially get by from his last victim’s heist. This man seems to” know” a lot of people yet possess few if any real, close friends. And these so called “friends” are just pawns in his game. Instead of being the patient, understanding person you think he is, this guy turns out to have a short fuse. He is quick to anger, very defensive and blames others for his misfortunes.
Known in the psychological world as a “sociopath”, his intent is to prey upon weak or vulnerable women for his own gains. In truth, he has no regard for you or anyone else no matter how he pretends otherwise. He will stay with you as long as you are purposeful and discard you when you fall short. This person may be physically, sexually or emotionally abusive but always extremely manipulative.
Sociopaths cannot be helped by the best professionals including psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors or social workers. Sadly, medication cannot help. It is a genetic and ingrained condition. Since he feels no sense of guilt for his actions, he will not profit from incarceration or any form of punishment.
As a therapist with nearly 30 years of experience in the mental health field, I’ve had the opportunity to work with both predators and victims. Bottom line: if your man seems too good to be true, take a second and even third long and hard look. That’s what your mother should have told you.
Personal note: This article was patient and professional blog inspired.
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